I guess I shouldn’t have criticised Valentines day. This weekend was meant to be our romantic weekend, a celebration of the anniversary of our first kiss. But by Friday we knew it wasn’t meant to be…

I had arranged with my Mum and sister to take Alice, our nearly three toddler, for the weekend. We had planned a nice meal, a movie, stay up late and sleep in on Sunday. But things really went wrong on the previous Monday when Alice seem to have some nasty cold. By Tuesday we had to take her early out of the creche because of her quite high temperature. Wednesday, Sophie, my wife, took the day off work to stay with her. By Thursday Alice was bad again and so was Sophie and by Friday we had gone to the doctor and Sophie is now on a ten day course of antibiotics. Alice was fine (you know the rule with toddlers, bring her to the doctor and they’re fine)!

I was fine too. But by Saturday, as I drove Alice over to Grannies, I could feel a warmth in my chest and I had cold and it was getting worse. Lemsips, paracetamols, strepsils, nothing could stop it. It is the most frustrating thing to feel yourself getting sick, while being fine, and try everything but you can’t stop it. By Saturday night I was over 40 degrees Celsius. Fuck.

This was atop of the multitude of “disasters” in work during the week that we both struggled with. Sophie, despite my worries, still plans to go into her work tomorrow…

But do you know? Screw Saint Valentine. This weekend, while not romantic, was more about our love than a meal and a cinema. It was about us, our relationship, our marriage. It was about the practical things that keep people together. It was taking care of each other, because we wanted to take care of each other. Curled up on the sofa, laughing at the end of “Little Miss Sunshine”, forgetting about the milk in the microwave when Sophie went to make me a hot chocolate, putting on a bath so Sophie can relax a little…. it’s was about all the little things we do for each other. Because we love each other.

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But I certainly was not as harsh as these guys in India: “Groups tell couples to boycott Valentines Day”.

NEW DELHI: A number of political and hardliner groups in different parts of the country, including those belonging to the Sangh Parivar, on Tuesday warned couples against celebrating Valentine’s Day on Wednesday, claiming it represented western culture.

Okay, I guess…

In Rajasthan capital Jaipur, Bharatiya Kamgar and Students’ Federation of India, organisations affiliated to the Shiv Sena and CPI-M respectively, said they would “blacken the faces” of those making public displays of affection.

Another group, Sanskriti Bachao Samiti, said teams of youth would move around college and university campuses to “detect couples abusing public places”.

Oh and…

There have also been violent protests.

And this I find the weirdest and most disturbing of all (from boingboing):

A ‘rath’ (decorated vehicle) prepared by the protesters, mainly activists of the Dharam Sena, for “forcibly marrying couples found celebrating Valentine’s Day” was seized in Jabalpur, Additional Superintendent of Police Manohar Verma told PTI.

Forcibly marrying couples? Jeepers.

(Previously on thedeadone.net: Seriously, Valentine’s day?)

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ast night, coming back from my Tuesday night course, I dropped into the 24-hours Tesco on the way home to pick up a few bits and bobs.

There was a few guys wandering around with a single red rose in their hands and at the check-out there was a guy with the all the traditional cheesy v-day gifts: a single rose, rose in vase, two different heart-shaped boxes of chocolates and one small fluffy toy.

Come on, v-day must be a joke? I don’t believe it’s romantic when it’s done out of duty. The guys do the “traditional” thing of getting the “traditional” gifts: roses, heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and small fluffy toys. I get the feeling they do it because it’s expected that they do, not because they necessarily want to (expected by whom though?).

When I try to do something romantic, it’s hopefully a genuine surprise or we both want to do it. I nearly go as far as to say that v-day is anti-romantic. It is the definition of love created by media and marketing, who’s sole purpose is to encourage us to buy roses, heart-shaped boxes of chocolates and small fluffy toys.

Not that I’m inherently romantic myself. I’m not. I’m a 30 year old geek which is certainly not the formula for an Irish Casanova. I have to plan to be romantic, which sounds self-defeating. Which it is, however the important thing is, is that what you do appears to be spontaneous and is genuine. Because if it’s a genuine token of love, what it is, is less important than what it means. On a lesser note, I believe love can be more easily found in the small things you do every day without thinking; the consideration and care you show for each other. If you can’t find it there, then a small fluffy toy won’t do much.

Personally, myself and my wife generally ignore v-day. February 21st, one week later than v-day, is a much more important day. It’s the day I proposed. To celebrate that is to celebrate our love.

So all that above is why I also bought two boxes of Lindor chocolate (my wife’s favourite), but not the ones in a heart-shaped box in Tesco last night. She wasn’t expecting it when I gave it to her last night.

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