More Alice quotes
Some more gems from my three year old daughter:
“You wouldn’t eat me Daddy. My head is too big to fit in your mouth.”
To her Maman:
“You’re my Best Mummy”
(Does she have more than one mummy?)
More Wisdom from a Toddler
Alice (our 3-year old daughter) offers us her great wisdom:
Don’t say “Bloody Hell”, say “Oh My God”.
The Dinosaur Teaparty
Alice (our three year old daughter) has recently developed a love of dinosaurs and this is the result:
(Sorry about the low quality, I snapped this with my mobile phone camera)
Capturing stars with an umbrella
Yesterday I had to pick up Alice, my 3 year old daughter, from her after-school instead of my wife. Normally I drop the kids off and my wife does the pick-up, but she’s still out sick today.
I brought Alice’s little umbrella along. It’s a small pink frilly thing with picture’s of Disney’s trademark Cinderella on it and even though it’s not raining, she loves having it on the short walk out of the school. On this evening though, there was a wonderful evening sky. It was dark but clear, that wonderful black-blue smooth gradiant. The stars hadn’t come out yet but there was a small brilliant white crescent moon.
As we walked across the school yard, I pointed the moon out to her and said “you can nearly reach out and grab it”.
“Pick me up daddy, I want to catch the moon with my umbrella!” So I lift her up and she reaches out to this lovely sky with her pink umbrella until she declares that she’s got it. I put her down and she spins around and says “… and I let it go!”.
Then two more shakes of her umbrella and she tells me in the most serious tone, “I’m capturing the stars now!”.
“But Alice, there are no stars in the sky yet.”
“Daddy. I’m just pretending.”
Learning to GM from a toddler
“Daddy, you sit there and I’ll read you a story”.
“Okay”.
Alice (our nearly-three year-old toddler) picks up her Maman’s romance novel and randomly opens it. “Once-apon-a-time-one-day, a group of yellow ducks go down to the swimming pool.” Alice goes to the next page. “They scream ‘AAAAAAAAAAA’.”
“Why do they scream?”
Alice shows me her most serious angry face look, squinting her eyes and squeezing her mouth tight and says… “Be quiet!”
“Listen here, Mr. Goat, did you poo on my head?”
My mother-in-law works for a publisher in France, kid’s books mostly. She gets piles of free books for kids. During Christmas, Alice my daughter, was playing with the pile of books and came across a book entitled “De la petite taupe qui voulait savoir qui lui avait fait sur la tete”. She loved it.
The book is about a mole who happens to have someone poo on his head! He then goes asks each animal did they poo on his head and compares their poo with the poo on his head. When he finds out who did it, he has his little revenge.
Here’s a scan of when he questions a goat:
Brilliant. I think it’s originally German. I have found an English translation on Amazon.co.uk called “The Story of the Little Mole Who Knew It Was None of His Business”. I love these subversive children’s books. Alice gets a great kick out of it saying “Hey Goat!! Did you poo on my head?!?” “No, it wasn’t me!“. And then she pretends to take the poo of the page and plonk it on my head!
Little Update #1: I just noticed on the Amazon page for the book that it links to “The Gas We Pass: the Story of Farts”. Excellent!
Little Update #2: megglesmcgoo points out that:
Alice mentions that book in The vicar of Dibley
More astounding facts according to Alice!
Previously on thedeadone.net, I shared some of the amazing “facts” that Alice, our nearly three years old daughter, had discovered. I’ve got two four new ones for you.
- The kangaroos in her and Daddy’s bellies have gone.
- Dinosaurs are actually Dragons. Most monsters are, actually.
- All the air-planes in Dublin Airport are actually Robots. I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
- Oh and I nearly forgot, Swiper (from Dora the Explorer) is related to Firefox (the Internet Browser).
I’ll keep you updated on these astounding facts as Alice reveals them to us. 
The world according to Alice…
Alice, our daughter, is now 2 (nearly 3) years old. I’m astounded every day by her simple logic, stringing conditions along with “and” and “or”. And she’s becoming more and more aware of the world around her, amazing us by her ever increasing comprehension. Sometimes she feels she needs to explain it to us. But then her imagination kicks in… so theses are some facts about the world, according to our toddler, that may amaze you.
Read More…
If you have a toddler…
… do not flush the toliet first without checking what’s in it.
A whole weekend without a toliet is not fun.
And it’s not as if we can be angry, I mean, she was trying to go the toliet by her self and just put the empty toliet roll, with the toliet paper she used, in.